she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
