If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
