I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
