What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
