Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
as a side note pls kill me
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