I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
