He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
