their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
