Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
