woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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