I puked a lego.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
