I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
