it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
