it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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