Do you still have your period?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
