gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
