that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
