you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
