Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I would fuck him just for his dog
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
