Just cropdusted the office
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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