STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
