How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
