Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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