found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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