So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
