he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
