So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
