At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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