is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
