I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
