Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
