1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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