how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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