i jhust puked up my retainher.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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