im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize