i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize