Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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