Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
