I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
