whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize