Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize