I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
