You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
