The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
