oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
they need to just BURY HIM!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
