I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
