break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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