captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
