Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
