Kiss
Puke
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
