I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
