Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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