Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
