apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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