help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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