Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
