Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
