My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
