the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
