Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
