I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Couch. On fire.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
