If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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