My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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