Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
