OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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