i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
