that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize